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Emblems Of Love, Part II Imperfection
by Lascelles AbercrombieMARY
[A LEGEND OF THE FORTY-FIVE]
I
A street in Carlisle leading to the Scottish Gate. Three girls, MARY, KATRINA, and JEAN.
Katrina.
What a year this has been!
Mary.
There's many a lass
Will blench to hear the date of it - Forty-five, -
Poor souls! Why will the men be fighting so,
Running away to find out death, as if
It were some tavern full of light and fiddling?
And when the doors are shut, what of the girls
Who gave themselves away, and still must live?
Are not men thoughtless?
Katrina.
Leaving only kisses
To be remembered by.
Jean.
That's not so bad
As when the dead lads went beyond kissing.
Mary.
Poor souls! Well, Carlisle has at least three hearts
That are not crying for a lad who's gone
Listening to the lean old Crowder, Death.
We needn't mope: and yet it's sad.
Jean.
Come on,
Why are we dawdling? All the heads are up,
Steepled on spikes above the Scottish Gate, -
Some of the rebels rarely handsome too.
Mary.
Won't it be rather horrible?
Katrina.
A row
Of chopt-off heads sitting on spikes - ugh!
Jean.
Yes,
And I daresay blood dribbling here and there.
Mary.
Don't, Jean! I am going back. I was
Forbid the gate.
Katrina.
And so was I.
Jean.
And I.
Katrina.
But a mere peep at them?
Jean.
Yes, come on, Mary.
Mary.
We might just see how horrible they are.
Jean.
Sure, they will make us shudder;
Katrina.
Or else cry.
[A MAN meets them.]
Man.
Are you for the show, my girls?
Jean.
We aren't your girls.
Katrina.
Do you mean the heads upon the Scottish Gate?
Man.
Ay, that's the show, a pretty one.
Jean.
Are all
The rebels' heads set up?
Man.
All, all; their cause
Is fallen flat; but go you on and see
How wonderly their proud heads are elate.
Katrina.
Do any look as if they died afeared?
Man.
Go and learn that yourselves. And when you mark
How grimly addled all the daring is
Now in those brains, do as your hearts shall bid you,
And that is weep, I hope.
Mary.
O let's go back.
Jean.
We have no friends spiked on the Scottish Gate.
Man.
No? Well, there's quite a quire of voices there,
Blessing the King's just wisdom for his stern
Strong policy with the rebels.
Mary.
Who are those? -
I think it's fiendish to have killed so many.
Man.
The chattering birds, my lass, and droning flies:
They're proper Whigs, are birds and flies, - or else
The Whigs are proper crows and carrion-bugs.
[He goes on past them.]
Katrina.
A Jacobite?
Jean.
That's it, I warrant you.
One of the stay-at-homes.
Mary.
Now promise me,
We'll only take a glimpse, girls, a short glimpse.
Jean (laughing).
Yes, just to see how horrible they are.
[They go on towards the gate.]
II
The Scottish Gate, Carlisle. Among the crowd.
Mary.
O why did we come here?
Jean.
One, two, three, four -
A devil's dozen of them at the least.
Katrina.
Poor lads! They did not need to set them up
So high, surely. Which is the one you'ld call
Prettiest, Jean?
Jean.
That fellow with the sneer;
The axe's weight could not ruffle his brow, -
How signed it is with scorn!
Katrina.
Ah yes, he's dark
And you are red: Mary and I will choose
Some golden fellow. Which do you think, Mary?
Jean.
O, but mine is the one! Look - do you see? -
He must have put his curls away from the axe;
Or did they part themselves when he knelt down,
And let the stroke have his nape white and bare?
O could a girl not nestle snug and happy
Against a neck, with such hair covering her!
Katrina.
Now, Mary, we must make our yellow choice;
You've got good eyes; which do you fancy? - Jean!
What ails her?
Jean.
How she stares! which is the one
She singles out? That topmost boy it is, -
Pretty enough for a flaxen poll indeed.
Is that your lad, Mary?
Katrina.
She's ill or fey;
They are too much for her; and I truly
Am nearly weeping for them and their wives and lasses.
Her eyes don't budge! She's fastened on his face
With just the look that one would have to greet
The ghost of one's own self. See, all her blood
Is trapt in her heart, - pale she is as he.
A Man in the Crowd.
Can't you see she's fainting? 'Tis no sight
For halfling girls.
Jean.
Halfling yourself.
Katrina.
Mary!
Mary.
Let us go home now: help me there, Katrina.
Katrina.
Yes, dear, but are you ill?
Mary.
No: let us go home.
Katrina (to Jean).
Come, Jean. Did you not hear her gasp? We must
Be with her on her way home.
Jean.
You go then.
I've not lookt half enough at these. Besides -
[MARY and KATRINA go.]
Well, sir, how dare you speak to girls like that,
When they're alone?
The Man.
You needn't be so short;
I guess you're one to take fine care of yourself.
Jean.
Yes, and I'ld choose a better-looking man
Than you, my chap, if I wanted company.
The Man.
Come this way, you'll see better.
Jean.
Impudence!
Who said your arm might be there?
The Man.
O, it's all right.
Jean.
And what do you think of the rebels now they're dead?
III
Mary lying awake in bed.
O let me reason it out calmly! Have I
No stars to take me through this terror, poured
Suddenly, dreadfully, on to my heart and spirit?
Why is it I, of all the world I only
Who must so love against nature? I knew
Always, that not like harbour for a boat,
Not a smooth safety, Love would take my soul;
But like going naked and empty-handed
Into the glitter and hiss of a wild sword-play,
I should fall in love, and in fear and danger:
But a danger of white light, a fear of sharpness
Keen and close to my heart, not as it proves, -
My heart hit by a great dull mace of terror!
* * * * *
So it has come to me, my hope, my wonder!
Now I perceive that I was one of those
Who, till love comes, have breath and beating blood
In one continual question. All the beauty
My happy senses took till now has been
Drugg'd with a fiery want and discontent,
That settled in my soul and lay there burning.
The hills, wearing their green ample dresses
Right in the sky's blue courts, with swerving folds
Along the rigour of their stony sinews -
(Often they garr'd my breath catch and stumble), -
The moon that through white ghost of water went,
Till she was ring'd about with an amber window, -
The summer stars seen winking through dusk leaves;
All the earth's manners and most loveliness,
All made my asking spirit stir within me,
And throb with a question, whose answer is,
(As now I know, but then I did not know)
There is a Man somewhere meant for me. -
And I have seen the face of him for whom
My soul was made!
Ah, somewhere? Where is that?
Have I not dreamt that he is gone away,
Gone ere he loved me? Now I lose myself.
I only have seen my boy's murder'd head.
* * * * *
Yes, again light breaks through and quells my thought.
The whole earth seemed as it belonged to me,
A message spoken out in green and blue
Specially to my heart; and it would say
That some time, out of the human multitude
A face would look into my soul, and sign
All my nature, easily as it were wax,
With its dear image; but after that impress
I would all harden, so that nought could raze
The minting of that seal from off my being.
And yesterday it fell. An idle whim
To see the rebels on the Scottish Gate, -
And there was the face of him I was made to love,
There, - ah God, - on the gate, my murder'd lad!
Did any girl have first-sight love like this?
Not to have ever seen him, only seen
Such piteous token that he has been born,
Lived and grown up to beauty, the man who was meant
To sleep upon my breast, and dead before
The sweet custom of love could be between us!
To have but seen his face? - Is that enough
To make me clear he is my man indeed?
Why, sure there are tales bordering on my lot
In misery? - Of hearts who have been stabbed
By knowledge that their mates were in the earth,
Yet never could come near enough to be healed;
Of those who have gone longing all a life,
Because a voice heard singing or a gesture
Seen from afar gospell'd them of love;
And no more than the mere announcement had.
Ah, but all these to mine were kindly dealing;
For not till they'd trepann'd him out of life
Did he, poor laggard, come to claim my soul. -
O my love, but your ears played you falsely
When they were taken by Death's wily tunes!
* * * * *
Am I so hardly done to, who have seen
My lover's face, been near enough to worship
The very writing of his spirit in flesh?
For having that in my ken, I am not far
From loving with my eyes all his body.
What a set would his shoulders have, and neck,
To bear his goodly-purposed head; what gait
And usage of his limbs! - Ah, do you smile?
Why, even so I knew your smile would be,
Just such an over-brimming of your soul.
O love, love, love, then you have come to me!
How I have stayed aching for you! Come close,
Here's where you should have been long time, long time.
It is your rightful place. And I had left
Thinking you'ld come and kiss me over my heart!
Ah lad, my lad, they told me you were dead.
IV
At Dawn. The Scottish Gate.
Mary (on her way to the gate, singing to herself).
As a wind that has run all day
Among the fragrant clover,
At evening to a valley comes;
So comes to me my lover.
And as all night a honey'd warmth
Stays where the wind did lie,
So when my lover leaves my arms
My heart's all honey.
But what have I to do with this? And when
Was that song put in hiding 'mid my thought?
I might be on my way to meet and give
Good morrow to my - Ah! last night, last night!
O fie! I must not dream so.
[At the Gate.]
It was I!
I am the girl whose lover they have killed,
Who never saw him until out of death
He lookt into my soul. I was to meet
Somewhere in life my lover, and behold,
He has turned into an inn I dare not enter,
And gazes through a window at my soul
Going on labour'd with this loving body. -
Did I not sleep last night with you in my arms?
I could have sworn it. Why should body have
So large a part in love? For if 'twere only
Spirit knew how to love, an easy road
My feet had down to death. But I must want
Lips against mine, and arms marrying me,
And breast to kiss with its dear warmth my breast, -
Body must love! O me, how it must ache
Before it is as numb as thine, dear boy!
Poor darling, didst thou forget that I was made
To wed thee, body and soul? For surely else
Thou hadst not gone from life. -
Ah, folk already,
Coming to curse the light with all their stares.
V
KATRINA and JEAN.
Katrina.
Where are you off to, Jean, in such a tear?
Jean.
I'm busy.
Katrina.
O you light-skirts! who is it now?
You think I can't guess what your business is?
Is it aught fresh, or only old stuff warmed?
Jean.
Does not the smartness in your wits, Katrina,
Make your food smack sourly? - Well, this time,
It's serious with me. I believe I'm caught.
Katrina.
O but you've had such practice in being caught,
You'll break away quite easily when you want.
Tell me now who it is.
Jean.
The man who spoke
When we were at the Scottish Gate that day.
O, he's a dapper boy! Did you mark his eyes?
Katrina.
Nay, I saw nought but he was under-grown.
Jean.
Pooh! He can carry me.
Katrina.
Jean, have you heard
Of Mary lately? - I vow she's in love.
Jean.
Never! with whom?
Katrina.
The thing's a wonder, Jean.
She'll speak to no one now, and every day,
Morning and evening, she's at the gate
Gazing like a fey creature on that head
She was so stricken to behold - you mind it? -
I tell you she's in love with it.
Jean.
O don't be silly.
How can you fall in love with a dead man?
And what good could he do you, if you did?
One loves for kisses and for hugs and the rest;
A spunky fellow, - that's the thing to love.
But a dead man, - pah, what a foolery!
Katrina.
O yes, to you; for Love's a game for you.
'Twill turn out dangerous maybe, but still, - a game.
Jean.
Yes, the best kind of game a girl can play,
And all the better for the risk, Katrina.
But where the fun would be in Love if he
You played with had not heart to jump, nor blood
To tingle, nothing in him to go wild
At seeing you betray your love for him,
Beats me to understand. You'ld be as wise
Blowing the bellows at a pile of stone
As loving one that never lived for you.
It isn't just to make a wind you blow,
But to turn red fire into white quivering heat.
Whatever she's after, 'tis not love, my girl:
I know what love is. But perhaps she saw
The poor lad living? Even had speech with him?
Katrina.
Not she; Mary has never known a lad
I did not know as well. We've shared our lives
As if we had been sisters, and I'm sure
She's never been in love before.
Jean.
Before?
Don't talk such sentimental nonsense -
Katrina.
Why,
If Love-at-first-sight can mean anything,
Surely 'tis this: there's some one in the world
Whom, if you come across him, you must love,
And you could no more pass his face unmoved
Than the year could go backwards. Well, suppose
He dies just ere you meet him; and he dead,
Ay, or his head alone, is given your eyes,
It is enough: he is the man for you,
All as if he were quick and signalling
His heart to you in smiles.
Jean.
Believe me, dear,
You've no more notion of the thing called Love
Than a grig has of talking. But I have,
And I'm off now to practise with my notions.
Katrina.
Now which is the real love, - hers or Mary's?
VI
Before Dawn, At the Scottish Gate.
Mary.
Beloved, beloved! - O forgive me
That all these days questioning I have been,
Struggled with doubts. Your power over me,
That here slipt through the nets death caught you in,
Lighted on me so greatly that my heart
Could scarcely carry the amazement. Now
I am awake and seeing; and I come
To save you from this post of ignominy.
A ladder I have filched and thro' the streets
Borne it, on shoulders little used to weight.
You'll say that I should not have bruised myself? -
But it is good, and an ease for me, to have
Some ache of body. - Now if there's any chink
In death, surely my love will reach to thee,
Surely thou wilt be ware of how I go
Henceforth through life utterly thine. And yet
Pardon what now I say, for I must say it.
I cannot thank thee, my dear murder'd lad,
For mastering me so. What other girls
Might say in blessing on their sweethearts' heads,
How can I say? They are well done to, when
Love of a man their beings like a loom
Seizes, and the loose ends of purposes
Into one beautiful desire weaves.
But love has not so done to me: I was
A nature clean as water from the hills,
One that had pleased the lips of God; and now
Brackish I am, as if some vagrom malice
Had trampled up the springs and made them run
Channelling ancient secrecies of salt.
O me, what, has my tongue these bitter words
In front of my love's death? Look down, sweetheart,
From the height of thy sacred ignominy
And see my shame. Nay, I will come up to thee
And have my pardon from thy lips, and do
The only good I can to thee, sweetheart.
* * * * *
I have done it: but how have I done it?
And what's this horrible thing to do with me?
How came it on the ground, here at my feet?
O I had better have shirkt it altogether!
What do I love? Not this; this is only
A message that he left on earth for me,
Signed by his spirit, that he had to go
Upon affairs more worthy than my love.
We women must give place in our men's thoughts
To matters such as those.
God, God, why must I love him? Why
Must life be all one scope for the hawking wings
Of Love, that none the mischief can escape? -
Well, I am thine for always now, my love,
For this has been our wedding. No one else,
Since thee I have had claspt unto my breast,
May touch me lovingly. -
Light, it is light!
What shall I do with it, now I have got it?
O merciful God, must I handle it
Again? I dare not; what is it to me?
Let me off this! Who is it clutches me
By the neck behind? Who has hold of me
Forcing me stoop down? Love, is it thou?
Spare me this service, thou who hast all else
Of my maimed life: why wilt thou be cruel?
O grip me not so fiercely. Love! Ah no,
I will not: 'tis abominable -
JEAN
I
The Parlour of a Public House. Two young men, MORRIS
and HAMISH.
Hamish.
Come, why so moody, Morris? Either talk,
Or drink, at least.
Morris.
I'm wondering about Love.
Hamish.
Ho, are you there, my boy? Who may it be?
Morris.
I'm not in love; but altogether posed
I am by lovers.
Hamish.
They're a simple folk:
I'm one.
Morris.
It's you I'm mainly thinking of.
Hamish.
Why, that's an honour, surely.
Morris.
Now if I loved
The girl you love, your Jean, (look where she goes
Waiting on drinkers, hearing their loose tongues;
And yet her clean thought takes no more of soil
Than white-hot steel laid among dust can take!) -
Hamish.
You not in love, and talking this fine stuff?
Morris.
I say, if I loved Jean, I'ld do without
All these vile pleasures of the flesh, your mind
Seems running on for ever: I would think
A thought that was always tasting them would make
The fire a foul thing in me, as the flame
Of burning wood, which has a rare sweet smell,
Is turned to bitter stink when it scorches flesh.
Hamish.
Why specially Jean?
Morris.
Why Jean? The girl's all spirit!
Hamish.
She's a lithe burd, it's true; that, I suppose,
Is why you think her made of spirit, - unless
You've seen her angry: she has a blazing temper. -
But what's a girl's beauty meant for, but to rouse
Lust in a man? And where's the harm in that, -
In loving her because she's beautiful,
And in the way that drives me? - I dare say
My spirit loves her too. But if it does
I don't know what it loves.
Morris.
Why, man, her beauty
Is but the visible manners of her spirit;
And this you go to love by the filthy road
Which all the paws and hoofs in the world tread too!
God! And it's Jean whose lover runs with the herd
Of grunting, howling, barking lovers, - Jean! -
Hamish.
O spirit, spirit, spirit! What is spirit?
I know I've got a body, and it loves:
But who can tell me what my spirit's doing,
Or even if I have one?
Morris.
Well, it's strange,
My God, it's strange. A girl goes through the world
Like a white sail over the sea, a being
Woven so fine and lissom that her life
Is but the urging spirit on its journey,
And held by her in shape and attitude.
And all she's here for is that you may clutch
Her spirit in the love of a mating beast!
Hamish.
Why, she has fifty lovers if she has one,
And fifty's few for her.
Morris.
I'm going out.
If the night does me good, I'll come back here
Maybe, and walk home with you.
Hamish.
O don't bother.
If I want spirit, it will be for drinking.
[MORRIS goes out.]
Spirit or no, drinking's better than talking.
Who was the sickly fellow to invent
That crazy notion spirit, now, I wonder?
But who'd have thought a burly lout like Morris
Would join the brabble? Sure he'll have in him
A pint more blood than I have; and he's all
For loving girls with words, three yards away!
JEAN comes in.
Jean.
Alone, my boy? Who was your handsome friend?
Hamish.
Whoever he was he's gone. But I'm still here.
Jean.
O yes, you're here; you're always here.
Hamish.
Of course,
And you know why.
Jean.
Do I? I've forgotten.
Hamish.
Jean, how can you say that? O how can you?
Jean.
Now don't begin to pity yourself, please.
Hamish.
Ah, I am learning now; it's truth they talk.
You would undo the skill of a spider's web
And take the inches of it in one line,
More easily than know a woman's thought.
I'm ugly on a sudden?
Jean.
The queer thing
About you men is that you will have women
Love in the way you do. But now learn this;
We don't love fellows for their skins; we want
Something to wonder at in the way they love.
A chap may be as rough as brick, if you like,
Yes, or a mannikin and grow a tail, -
If he's the spunk in him to love a girl
Mainly and heartily, he's the man for her. -
My soul, I've done with all you pretty men;
I want to stand in a thing as big as a wind;
And I can only get your paper fans!
Hamish.
You've done with me? You wicked Jean! You'll dare
To throw me off like this? After you've made,
O, made my whole heart love you?
Jean.
You are no good.
Your friend, now, seems a likely man; but you? -
I thought you were a torch; and you're a squib.
Hamish.
Not love you enough? Death, I'll show you then.
Jean.
Hands off, Hamish. There's smoke in you, I know,
And splutter too. Hands off, I say.
Hamish.
By God
Tell me to-morrow there's no force in me!
Jean.
Leave go, you little beast, you're hurting me:
I never thought you'ld be so strong as this.
Let go, or I'll bite; I mean it. You young fool,
I'm not for you. Take off your hands. O help!
[MORRIS has come in unseen and rushes forward.]
Morris.
You beast! You filthy villainous fellow! - Now,
I hope I've hurt the hellish brain in you.
Take yourself off. You'll need a nurse to-night.
[HAMISH slinks out.]
Poor girl! And are you sprained at all? That ruffian!
Jean.
O sir, how can I thank you? You don't know
What we poor serving girls must put up with.
We don't hear many voices like yours, sir.
They think, because we serve, we've no more right
To feelings than their cattle. O forgive me
Talking to you. You don't come often here.
Morris.
No, but I will: after to-night I'll see
You take no harm. And as for him, I'll smash him.
Jean.
Yes, break the devil's ribs, - I mean, - O leave me;
I'm all distraught.
Morris.
Good night, Jean. My name's Morris.
Jean.
Good night, Morris - dear. O I must thank you.
[She suddenly kisses him.]
Perhaps, - perhaps, you'll think that wicked of me?
Morris.
You wicked? O how silly! - But - good night.
[He goes.]
Jean.
The man, the man! What luck! My soul, what luck!
II
JEAN by herself, undressing.
Yes, he's the man. Jean, my girl, you're done for,
At last you're done for, the good God be thankt. -
That was a wonderful look he had in his eyes:
'Tis a heart, I believe, that will burn marvellously!
Now what a thing it is to be a girl!
Who'ld be a man? Who'ld be fuel for fire
And not the quickening touch that sets it flaming? -
'Tis true that when we've set him well alight
(As I, please God, have set this Morris burning)
We must be serving him like something worshipt;
But is it to a man we kneel? No, no;
But to our own work, to the blaze we kindled!
O, he caught bravely. Now there's nothing at all
So rare, such a wild adventure of glee,
As watching love for you in a man beginning; -
To see the sight of you pour into his senses
Like brandy gulpt down by a frozen man,
A thing that runs scalding about his blood;
To see him holding himself firm against
The sudden strength of wildness beating in him!
O what my life is waiting for, at last
Is started, I believe: I've turned a man
To a power not to be reckoned; I shall be
Held by his love like a light thing in a river!
III
MORRIS by himself.
It is a wonder! Here's this poor thing, Life,
Troubled with labours of the endless war
The lusty flesh keeps up against the spirit;
And down amid the anger - who knows whence? -
Comes Love, and at once the struggling mutiny
Falls quiet, unendurably rebuked:
And the whole strength of life is free to serve
Spirit, under the regency of Love.
The quiet that is in me! The bright peace!
Instead of smoke and dust, the peace of Love!
Truly I knew not what a turmoil life
Has been, and how rebellious, till this peace
Came shining down! And yet I have seen things,
And heard things, that were strangely meaning this, -
Telling me strangely that life can be all
One power undisturbed, one perfect honour, -
Waters at noonday sounding among hills,
Or moonlight lost among vast curds of cloud; -
But never knew I it is only Love
Can rule the noise of life to heavenly quiet.
Ah, Jean, if thou wilt love me, thou shalt have
Never from me upon thy purity
The least touch of that eager baseness, known,
For shame's disguising, by the name of Love
Most wickedly; thou shalt not need to fear
Aught from my love, for surely thou shalt know
It is a love that almost fears to love thee.
IV
The Public House. MORRIS and JEAN.
Jean.
O, you are come again!
Morris.
Has he been here,
That blackguard, with some insolence to you?
Jean.
Who?
Morris.
Why, that Hamish.
Jean.
Hamish? No, not he.
Morris.
I thought - you seemed so breathless -
Jean.
But you've come
Again! May I not be glad of your coming?
Yes, and a little breathless? - Did you come
Only because you thought I might be bullied?
Morris.
O, no, no, no, Only for you I came.
Jean.
And that's what I was hoping.
Morris.
If you could know
How it has been with me, since I saw you!
Jean.
What can I know of your mind? - For my own
Is hard enough to know, - save that I'm glad
You've come again, - and that I should have cried
If you'd not kept your word.
Morris.
My word? - to see
Hamish does nothing to you?
Jean.
The fiend take Hamish!
Do you think I'ld be afraid of him? - It's you
I ought to be afraid of, were I wise.
Morris.
Good God, she's crying!
Jean.
Cannot you understand?
Morris.
O darling, is it so? I prayed for this
All night, and yet it's unbelievable.
Jean.
You too, Morris?
Morris.
There's nothing living in me
But love for you, my sweetheart.
Jean.
And you are mine,
My sweetheart! - And now, Morris, now you know
Why you are the man that ought to frighten me! -
Morris, I love you so!
Morris.
O, but better than this,
Jean, you must love me. You must never think
I'm like the heartless men you wait on here,
Whose love is all a hunger that cares naught
How hatefully endured its feasting must be
By her who fills it, so it be well glutted!
Jean.
I did not say I was afraid of you;
But only that, perhaps, I ought to be.
Morris.
No, no, you never ought. My love is one
That will not have its passion venturous;
It knows itself too fine a ceremony
To risk its whole perfection even by one
Unruly thought of the luxury in love.
Nay, rather it is the quietness of power,
That knows there is no turbulence in life
Dare the least questioning hindrance set against
The onward of its going, - therefore quiet,
All gentle. But strong, Jean, wondrously strong!
Jean.
Yes, love is strong. I have well thought of that.
It drops as fiercely down on us as if
We were to be its prey. I've seen a gull
That hovered with beak pointing and eyes fixt
Where, underneath its swaying flight, some fish
Was trifling, fooling in the waves: then, souse!
And the gull has fed. And love on us has fed.
Morris.
Indeed 'tis a sudden coming; but I grieve
To hear you make of love a cruelty.
Sweetheart, it shall be nothing cruel to you!
You shall not fear, in doing what love bids,
Ever to know yourself unmaidenly.
For see! here's my first kiss; and all my love
Is signed in it; and it is on your hand. -
Is that a thing to fear? - But it were best
I go now. This should be a privacy,
Not even your lover near, this hour of first
Strange knowledge that you have accepted love.
I think you would feel me prying, if I stayed
While your heart falters into full perceiving
That you are plighted now forever mine.
God bless you, Jean, my sweetheart. - Not a word?
But you will thank me soon for leaving you:
'Tis the best courtesy I can do.
[He goes.]
Jean.
O, and I thought it was my love at last!
I thought, from the look he had last night, I'd found
That great, brave, irresistible love! - But this!
It's like a man deformed, with half his limbs.
Am I never to have the love I dream and need,
Pouring over me, into me, winds of fire?
HAMISH comes in.
Hamish.
Well? What's the mood to-night? - The girl's been crying!
This should be something queer.
Jean.
It's you are to blame:
You brought him here!
Hamish.
It's Morris this time, is it?
And what has he done?
Jean.
He's insulted me.
And you must never let me see him again.
Hamish.
Sure I don't want him seeing you. But still,
If I'm to keep you safe from meeting him -
Jean.
To look in his eyes would mortify my heart!
Hamish.
Then you'ld do right to pay me.
Jean.
What you please.
Hamish.
A kiss?
Jean.
Of course; as many as you like -
And of any sort you like.
KATRINA
I
On the sea-coast. Three young men, SYLVAN, VALENTINE,
and FRANCIS.
Valentine.
Well, I suppose you're out of your fear at last,
Sylvan. This land's empty enough; naught here
Feminine but the hens, bitches, and cows.
Now we are safe!
Francis.
Horribly safe; for here,
If there are wives at all, they are salted so
They have no meaning for the blood, bent things
Philosophy allows not to be women.
Valentine.
But think of the husbands that must spend their nights
Alongside skin like bark. It is the men
That have the tragedy in these weather'd lands.
Francis.
No thought of that! We are monks now. And, indeed,
This is a cloister that a man could like,
This blue-aired space of grassy land, that here,
Just as it touches the sea's bitter mood,
Is troubled into dunes, as it were thrilled,
Like a calm woman trembling against love.
Sylvan.
Woman again! - How, knowing you, I failed
So long to know the truth, I cannot think.
Francis.
And what's the truth?
Sylvan.
Woman and love of her
Is as a dragging ivy on the growth
Of that strong tree, man's nature!
Valentine.
Yes. But now
Tell us a simpler sort of truth. Was she - -
Sylvan.
She? Who?
Valentine.
Katrina, of course: who else, when one
Speaks of a she to you?
Sylvan.
And what about her?
Valentine.
Was she too cruel to you, or too kind?
Sylvan.
Ah, there's no hope for men like you; you're sunk
Above your consciences in smothering ponds
Of sweet imagination, - drowned in woman!
Francis.
Ay? Clarence and the Malmesey over again;
'Twas a delightful death.
Valentine.
But you forget.
Sylvan, we've come as your disciples here.
Sylvan.
Yes, to a land where not the least desire
Need prey upon your mettle. There are hours
A god might gladly take in these basking dunes, -
Nothing but summer and piping larks, and air
All a warm breath of honey, and a grass
All flowers - sweet thyme and golden heart's-ease here!
And under scent and song of flowers and birds,
Far inland out of the golden bays the air
Is charged with briny savour, and whispered news
Gentle as whitening oats the breezes stroke.
What good is all this health to you? You bring
Your own thoughts with you; and they are vinegar,
Endlessly rusting what should be clear steel.
Francis.
I do begin to doubt our enterprise,
The grand Escape from Woman. It lookt brave
And nobly hazardous afar off, to cease
All wenching, whether in deed or word or thought.
And yet I fear pride egged us. We had done
Better to be more humble, and bring here
A girl apiece.
Valentine.
Yes, Sylvan; you must think
The cloister were a thing more comfortable
With your Katrina in it?
Sylvan.
My Katrina!
And do you think, supposing I would love,
I'ld bank in such a crazy safe as that
Katrina? One of those soft shy-spoken maids,
Who are only maids through fear? Whose life is all
A simpering pretence of modesty?
If it was love I wanted, 'twould not be
A dish of sweet stewed pears, laced with brandy.
But I can do without a woman's kisses.
Valentine.
Can you? - You know full well, in the truth of your heart,
That there's no man in all the world of men
Whose will woman's beauty cannot divide
Easily as a sword cuts jetting water.
Sylvan.
Have you not heard, that even jetting water
May have such spouting force, that it becomes
A rod of glittering white iron, and swords
Will beat rebounding on its speed in vain? -
Of such a force I mean to have my will.
[He sits and stares moodily out to sea. His companions whisper each other.]
Valentine.
Here, Francis! Look you yonder. O but this,
This is the joke of the world!
Francis.
Hallo! a girl!
And, by the Lord, Katrina! - But why here?
Valentine.
She's followed him, of course; she's heard of this
Mad escapade and followed after him.
Francis.
She has not seen us yet. Now what to do?
Valentine.
Quick! Where's your handkerchief? Truss his wrists and ankles,
And pull his coat up over his head and leave him!
He won't get free of her again; she'll lead
His wildness home and keep him tame for ever.
Now!
[They fall on him, bind him, and blindfold him.]
Sylvan.
What are you doing? Whatever are you doing?
Hell burn you, let me go!
Valentine.
There's worse to come.
[They make off, and leave SYLVAN shouting. KATRINA runs in.]
Katrina.
Dear Heaven! Were they robbers? Have they hurt you?
[She releases him. He stands up.]
Sylvan.
Katrina!
Katrina.
Sylvan!
Sylvan.
How did you plot this?
I thought I'd put leagues between you and me.
Katrina.
Why have you come here?
Sylvan.
To find you, it seems.
But what you're doing here, that I'ld like to know.
Katrina.
I came to see my grandmother: she lives
All by herself, poor grannam, and it's time
She had some help about the house, and care.
Sylvan.
Let's have a better tale. You followed me.
Katrina.
Sylvan, how dare you make me out so vile?
Sylvan.
How dare you mean to make this body of mine
A thing with no thought in it but your beauty?
Katrina.
You shall not speak so wickedly. You've had
The half of my truth only: here's the whole.
It was from you I fled! I hoped to make
My grannam's lonely cottage something safe
From you and what I hated in you.
Sylvan.
Love? -
Ah, so it's all useless.
Katrina.
I feared to know
You wanted me, - horribly I feared it.
And now you've found me out.
Sylvan.
Is this the truth? -
No help for it, then.
Katrina.
O, I'm a liar to you!
Sylvan.
Strange how we grudge to be ruled! rather than be
Divinely driven to happiness, we push back
And fiercely try for wilful misery. -
Dearest, forgive me being cruel to you,
You who are in life like a heavenly dream
In the evil sleep of a sinner.
Katrina.
No, you hate me.
Sylvan (kissing her).
Is this like hatred?
Katrina (in his arms).
Sylvan, I have been
So wrencht and fearfully used. It was as if
This being that I live in had become
A savage endless water, wild with purpose
To tire me out and drown me.
Sylvan.
Yes, I know:
Like swimming against a mighty will, that wears
The cruelty, the race and scolding spray
Of monstrous passionate water.
Katrina.
Hold me, Sylvan
I'm bruised with my sore wrestling.
Sylvan.
Ah, but now
We are not swimmers in this dangerous life.
It cannot beat upon our limbs with surf
Of water clencht against us, nor can waves
Now wrangle with our breath. Out of it we
Are lifted; and henceforward now we are
Sailors travelling in a lovely ship,
The shining sails of it holding a wind
Immortally pleasant, and the malicious sea
Smoothed by a keel that cannot come to wreck.
Katrina.
Alas, we must not stay together here.
Grannam will come upon us.
Sylvan.
Where is she?
Katrina.
Yonder, gathering driftwood for her fire.
There is a little bay not far from here,
The shingle of it a thronging city of flies,
Feeding on the dead weed that mounds the beach;
And the sea hoards there its vain avarice, -
Old flotsam, and decaying trash of ships.
An arm of reef half locks it in, and holds
The bottom of the bay deep strewn with seaweed,
A barn full of the harvesting of storms;
And at full tide, the little hampered waves
Lift up the litter, so that, against the light,
The yellow kelp and bracken of the sea,
Held up in ridges of green water, show
Like moss in agates. And there is no place
In all the coast for wreckage like this bay;
There often will my grannam be, a sack
Over her shoulders, turning up the crust
Of sun-dried weed to find her winter's warmth.
Sylvan.
Is that she coming?
Katrina.
O Sylvan, has she seen us?
Sylvan.
What matter if she has?
Katrina.
But it would matter!
Sylvan.
Katrina, come with me now! We'll go together
Back to my house.
Katrina.
No, no, not now! I must
Carry my grannam's load for her: 'tis heavy.
Sylvan.
We must not part again.
Katrina.
No, not for long;
For if we do, there will be storms again,
I know; and a fierce reluctance - O, a mad
Tormenting thing! - will shake me.
Sylvan.
Then come now!
Katrina.
Not now, not now! Look how my poor grannam
Shuffles under the weight; she's old for burdens.
I must carry her sack for her.
Sylvan.
Well, to-night!
Katrina.
To-night? - O Sylvan! dare I?
Sylvan.
Yes, you dare!
You will be knowing I'm outside in the darkness,
And you will come down here and give me yourself
Wholly and forever.
Katrina.
O not to-night!
Sylvan.
I shall be here, Katrina, waiting for you.
[He goes.]
The old woman comes in burdened with her sack.
Grandmother.
Katrina, that was a young man with you.
Katrina.
O grannam, you've had luck to-day; but now
It's I must be the porter.
Grandmother (giving up the sack).
Ay, you take it.
It's sore upon my back. You should have care
Of these young fellows; there's a devil in them.
Never you talk with a man on the seashore
Or on hill-tops or in woods and suchlike places,
Especially if he's one you think of marrying.
Katrina.
Marrying? I shall never be married!
Grandmother.
Pooh!
That's nonsense.
Katrina.
I should think 'twas horrible
Even to be in love and wanting to give
Yourself to another; but to be married too,
A man holding the very heart of you, -
Grandmother.
He never does, honey, he never does. -
We're late; come along home.
II
In SYLVAN'S house. SYLVAN and KATRINA talking to
each other and betweenwhiles thinking to themselves.
Sylvan.
How pleasant and beautiful it is to be
At last obedient to love! (To know
Also, I've sold myself, - is that so pleasant?)
Katrina.
I cannot think, why such a glorious wealth
As this of love on our hearts should be spent.
What have we done, that all this gain be ours?
(Nor can I think why my life should be mixt,
Even its dearest secrecy, with another.)
Sylvan.
Ay, there's the marvel! If to enter life
Needed some courage, 'twere a kind of wages,
As they let sacking soldiers take home loot:
But we are shuffled into life like puppets
Emptied out of a showman's bag; and then
Made spenders of the joys current in heaven!
(Not such a marvel neither, if this love
Be but the price I'm paid for my free soul.
Who's the old trader that has lent this girl
The glittering cash of pleasure to pay me with?
Who is it, - the world, or the devil, or God - that wants
To buy me from myself?)
Katrina.
And then how vain
To think we can hold back from being enricht!
It is not only offered -
Sylvan.
No, 'tis a need
As irresistible within our hearts
As body's need of breathing. (That I should be
So avaricious of his gleaming price!)
Katrina.
And the instant force it has upon us, when
We think to use love as a privilege!
We are like bees that, having fed all day
On mountain-heather, go to a tumbling stream
To please their little honey-heated thirsts;
And soon as they have toucht the singing relief,
The swiftness of the water seizes them.
Sylvan.
And onward, sprawling and spinning, they are carried
Down to a drowning pool.
Katrina.
O Sylvan, drowning?
(Deeper than drowning! Why should it not be
Our hearts need wish only what they delight in?)
Sylvan.
Well, altogether gript by the being of love.
(Yes, now the bargain's done; and I may wear,
Like a cheated savage, scarlet dyes and strings
Of beaded glass, all the pleasure of love!)
Katrina.
It is a wonderful tyranny, that life
Has no choice but to be delighted love!
(I know what I must do: I am to abase
My heart utterly, and have nothing in me
That dare take pleasure beyond serving love.
Thus only shall I bear it; and perhaps -
Might I even of my abasement make
A passion, fearfully enjoying it?)
Sylvan.
You are full of thoughts, sweetheart?
Katrina.
And so are you:
A long while since you kist me! (What have I said?
O fool so to remind him! I shall scarce
Help crying out or shuddering this time! -
Ah no; I am again a fool! Not thus
I am to do, but in my heart to break
All the reluctance; it must have on me
No pleasure; else I am endlessly tortured.)
Then I must kiss you, Sylvan!
[She kisses him.]
Sylvan.
Ah, my darling!
(God! it went through my flesh as thrilling sound
Must shake a fiddle when the strings are snatcht!
Will she make the life in me all a slave
Of my kist body, - a trembling, eager slave?
It ran like a terror to my heart, the sense,
The shivering delight upon my skin,
Of her lips touching me.) My beloved, -
It may be it were wise, that we took care
Our pleasant love come never in the risk
Of being too much known.
Katrina.
O what a risk
To think of here! Love is not common life,
But always fresh and sweet. Can this grow stale?
[She kisses him again.]
Sylvan.
O never! I meant not so. - Yes, always sweet!
(She must not kiss me! Ah, it leaves my heart
Aghast, and stopt with pain of the joy of her;
And her loved body is like an agony
Clinging upon me. O she must not kiss me!
I will not be a thing excruciated
To please her passion, an anguish of delight!)