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How We Found Our Verdict

We sat in the jury-box, twelve were we all,

And the clock was just pointing to ten in the hall,

His Lordship he bowed to the jury, and we

Bowed back to his Lordship as gravely as he.

The case of De Weller v. Jones was the first,

And we all settled down and prepared for the worst

When old Smithers, Q.C., began slowly to preach

Of a promise of marriage and action for breach.

A barmaid the plaintiff was, wondrous the skill

Wherewith she was wont her tall tankards to fill,

The defendant, a publican, sought for his bride

Such a paragon, urged by professional pride.

But the course of true love ran no smoother for her

Than the Pas de Calais or the bark of a fir,

The defendant discovered a widow with gold

In the bank and the plaintiff was left in the cold.

An hour Smithers spoke, and he said that the heart

Of the plaintiff at Jones's fell touch flew apart,

But a cheque for a thousand might help to repair

The destruction effected by love and despair.

Miss de Weller was called, and in ladylike tones

She described all the injury suffered from Jones,

How he called her at first "Angelina," and this

Soon cooled to "Miss Weller," and lastly to "Miss."

But the jury were shaken a little when Gore

Cross-examined about her engagements before,

For Jones was the sixth of the strings to her bow

And with five other verdicts she solaced her woe.

Re-examined by Smithers, she won us again,

For the tears of a maid are a terror to men,

Then his Lordship awoke from his nap and explained

How love that is frequent is love that is feigned.

Miss de Weller looked daggers, and under the paint

Of her cheeks she grew pale and fell down in a faint,

She played her trump-card in the late afternoon,

For damages satisfy girls who can swoon.

Till she fainted most thought that a farthing would do,

Though I was in favour of pounds--one or two;

But after the faint--and she was so well dressed--

At a hundred the void in her heart was assessed.