In Kentucky.

(A Response to Judge Mulligan's Famous Toast.)
The moonlight may be softest
In Kentucky,
And summer days come oftest
In Kentucky,
But friendship is the strongest
When the money lasts the longest
Or you sometimes get in wrongest
In Kentucky.
Sunshine is the brightest
In Kentucky,
And a right is often rightest
In Kentucky,
While plain girls are the fewest,
They work their eyes the truest,
They leave a fellow bluest
In Kentucky.
All debts are treated lightest
In Kentucky,
So make your home the brightest
In Kentucky,
If you have the social entree
You need never think of pay,
Or, at least, that's what they say
In Kentucky.
Orators are the proudest
In Kentucky,
And they always talk the loudest
In Kentucky.
While boys may be the fliest,
Their money is the shyest,
They carry bluffs the highest
In Kentucky.
Pedigrees are longest
In Kentucky,
Family trees the strongest
In Kentucky.
For blue blood is a pride,
But, if you've ever tried
You'll find 'sporting blood' inside
In Kentucky.
Society is exclusive
In Kentucky,
So do not be intrusive
In Kentucky.
If you want the right of way,
And have the coin to pay,
You'll be in the swim to stay
In Kentucky.
The race track's all the money
In Kentucky,
But don't you go there, sonny
In Kentucky.
For, while thoroughbreds are fleetest,
They get your coin the neatest,
And leave you looking seediest
In Kentucky.
Short-skates are the thickest
In Kentucky,
They spot a sucker quickest
In Kentucky.
They'll set up to a drink,
Get your money 'fore you think,
And you get the "dinky dink"
In Kentucky.
If you want to be fraternal
In Kentucky,
Just call a fellow "Colonel"
In Kentucky,
Or, give a man a nudge
And say, "How are you, Judge?"
For they never call that "fudge"
In Kentucky.
But when you have tough luck
In Kentucky,
In other words "get stuck"
In Kentucky,
Just raise your voice and holler
And you'll always raise a dollar,
While a drink is sure to follow
In Kentucky.
'Tis true that birds sing sweetest
In Kentucky,
That women folk are neatest
In Kentucky,
But there are things you shouldn't tell
About our grand old State--and, well--
Politics is h----l
In Kentucky.