Northern Farmer (New Style)

I.
DOSN'T thou 'ear my 'erse's legs, as they canters awa'y?
Proputty, proputty, proputty'that's what I 'ears 'em sa'y.
Proputty, proputty, proputty'Sam, thou's an ass for thy paa'ns:
Theer's moor sense i' one o' 'is legs nor in all thy bra'ins.
II.
Wo'theer's a craw to pluck wi' tha, Sam: yon's parson's 'ouse'
Dosn't thou knaw that a man mun be e'ther a man or a mouse?
Time to think on it then; for thou'll be twenty to wee'k.
Proputty, proputty'wo' then, wo'let ma 'ear mys'n spe'k.
III.
Me an' thy muther, Sammy, 'as be'n a-talkin' o' thee;
Thou's be'n talkin' to muther, an' she be'n a tellin' it me.
Thou'll not marry for munny'thou's sweet upo' parson's lass'
No'thou'll marry fur luvv'an' we bo'th on us thinks tha an ass.
IV.
See'd her toda'y go' by'Sa'int's-da'y'they was ringing the bells.
She's a beauty thou thinks'an' so' is scoors o' gells,
Them as 'as munny an' all'wot's a beauty?'the flower as blaws.
But proputty, proputty sticks, an' proputty, proputty graws.
V.
Do'ant be stunt: ta'k time: I knaws what ma'kes tha sa mad.
Warn't I cra'zed fur the lasses mys'n when I wur a lad?
But I knawed a Qua'ker feller as often 'as towd ma this:
'Do'nt thou marry for munny, but go' wheer munny is!'
VI.
An' I went wheer munny war: an' thy muther coom to 'and,
Wi' lots o' munny laa'd by, an' a nicetish bit o' land.
Ma'ybe she warn't a beauty:'I niver giv it a thowt'
But warn't she as good to cuddle an' kiss as a lass as 'ant nowt?
VII.
Parson's lass 'ant nowt, an' she we'nt 'a nowt when 'e's de'd,
Mun be a guvness, lad, or summut, and addle her bre'd:
Why? fur 'e's nobbut a curate, an' we'nt niver git hissen clear,
An' 'e ma'de the bed as 'e ligs on afoor 'e coomed to the shere.
VIII.
An thin 'e coom'd to the parish wi' lots o' Varsity debt,
Stook to his taa'l they did, an' 'e 'ant got shut on 'em yet.
An' 'e ligs on 'is back i' the grip, wi' no'n to lend 'im a shovv,
Woorse nor a far-welter'd yowe: fur, Sammy, 'e married fur luvv.
IX.
Luvv? what's luvv? thou can luvv thy lass an' 'er munny too,
Ma'kin' 'em goa' togither as they've good right to do.
Could'n I luvv thy muther by cause o' 'er munny laa'd by?
Na'y'fur I luvv'd 'er a vast sight moor fur it: re'son why.
X.
Ay an' thy muther says thou wants to marry the lass,
Cooms of a gentleman burn: an' we bo'th on us thinks tha an ass.
Wo' then, proputty, wiltha?'an ass as near as mays nowt'
Wo' then, wiltha? dangtha!'the bees is as fell as owt.
XI.
Bre'k me a bit o' the esh for his 'e'd, lad, out o' the fence!
Gentleman burn! what's gentleman burn? is it shillins an' pence?
Proputty, proputty's ivrything 'ere, an', Sammy, I'm blest
If it isn't the sa'me oop yonder, fur them as 'as it's the best.
XII.
Tis'n them as 'as munny as breaks into 'ouses an' ste'ls,
Them as 'as co'ts to their backs an' ta'kes their regular me'ls.
No', but it's them as niver knaws wheer a me'l's to be 'ad.
Ta'ke my word for it, Sammy, the poor in a loomp is bad.
XIII.
Them or thir feythers, tha sees, mun 'a be'n a la'zy lot,
Fur work mun 'a gone to the gittin' whiniver munny was got.
Feyther 'ad ammost nowt; le'stways 'is munny was 'id.
But 'e tued an' moil'd 'iss'n de'd, an 'e died a good un, 'e did.
XIV.
Loook thou theer wheer Wrigglesby beck cooms out by the 'ill!
Feyther run oop to the farm, an' I runs oop to the mill;
An' I'll run oop to the brig, an' that thou'll live to see;
And if thou marries a good un I'll le've the land to thee.
XV.
Thim's my no'tions, Sammy, wheerby I means to stick;
But if thou marries a bad un, I'll le've the land to Dick.'
Coom oop, proputty, proputty'that's what I 'ears 'im sa'y'
Proputty, proputty, proputty'canter an' canter awa'y.