The Fairy Curate. by William Schwenck Gilbert — Stanza

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The Fairy Curate.

by William Schwenck Gilbert

Once a fairy

Light and airy

Married with a mortal;

Men, however,

Never, never

Pass the fairy portal.

Slyly stealing,

She to Ealing

Made a daily journey;

There she found him,

Clients round him

(He was an attorney).

Long they tarried,

Then they married.

When the ceremony

Once was ended,

Off they wended

On their moon of honey.

Twelvemonth, maybe,

Saw a baby

(Friends performed an orgie).

Much they prized him,

And baptized him

By the name of Georgie,

Georgie grew up;

Then he flew up

To his fairy mother.

Happy meeting -

Pleasant greeting -

Kissing one another.

"Choose a calling

Most enthralling,

I sincerely urge ye."

"Mother," said he

(Rev'rence made he),

"I would join the clergy.

"Give permission

In addition -

Pa will let me do it:

There's a living

In his giving -

He'll appoint me to it.

Dreams of coff'ring,

Easter off'ring,

Tithe and rent and pew-rate,

So inflame me

(Do not blame me),

That I'll be a curate."

She, with pleasure,

Said, "My treasure,

'T is my wish precisely.

Do your duty,

There's a beauty;

You have chosen wisely.

Tell your father

I would rather

As a churchman rank you.

You, in clover,

I'll watch over."

Georgie said, "Oh, thank you!"

Georgie scudded,

Went and studied,

Made all preparations,

And with credit

(Though he said it)

Passed examinations.

(Do not quarrel

With him, moral,

Scrupulous digestions -

'Twas his mother,

And no other,

Answered all the questions.)

Time proceeded;

Little needed

Georgie admonition:

He, elated,

Vindicated

Clergyman's position.

People round him

Always found him

Plain and unpretending;

Kindly teaching,

Plainly preaching,

All his money lending.

So the fairy,

Wise and wary,

Felt no sorrow rising -

No occasion

For persuasion,

Warning, or advising.

He, resuming

Fairy pluming

(That's not English, is it?)

Oft would fly up,

To the sky up,

Pay mamma a visit.

* * * * * * * *

Time progressing,

Georgie's blessing

Grew more Ritualistic -

Popish scandals,

Tonsures sandals -

Genuflections mystic;

Gushing meetings -

Bosom-beatings -

Heavenly ecstatics -

Broidered spencers -

Copes and censers -

Rochets and dalmatics.

This quandary

Vexed the fairy -

Flew she down to Ealing.

"Georgie, stop it!

Pray you, drop it;

Hark to my appealing:

To this foolish

Papal rule-ish

Twaddle put an ending;

This a swerve is

From our Service

Plain and unpretending."

He, replying,

Answered, sighing,

Hawing, hemming, humming,

"It's a pity -

They're so pritty;

Yet in mode becoming,

Mother tender,

I'll surrender -

I'll be unaffected "

But his Bishop

Into HIS shop

Entered unexpected!

"Who is this, sir, -

Ballet miss, sir?"

Said the Bishop coldly.

"'T is my mother,

And no other,"

Georgie answered boldly.

"Go along, sir!

You are wrong, sir;

You have years in plenty,

While this hussy

(Gracious mussy!)

Isn't two and twenty!"

(Fairies clever

Never, never

Grow in visage older;

And the fairy,

All unwary,

Leant upon his shoulder!)

Bishop grieved him,

Disbelieved him;

George the point grew warm on;

Changed religion,

Like a pigeon, {1}

And became a Mormon!