The Village Wife

'Ouse-keeper sent tha my lass, fur New Squire coom'd last night.
Butter an' heggs'yis'yis. I'll go' wi' tha back: all right;
Butter I warrants be prime, an' I warrants the heggs be as well,
Hafe a pint o' milk runs out when ya bre'ks the shell.
II.
Sit thysen down fur a bit: hev a glass o' cowslip wine!
I liked the owd Squire an' 'is gells as thaw they was gells o' mine,
Fur then we was all es one, the Squire an' 'is darters an' me,
Hall but Miss Annie, the heldest, I niver not took to she:
But Nelly, the last of the cletch,2 I liked 'er the fust on 'em all,
Fur hoffens we talkt o' my darter es died o' the fever at fall:
An' I thowt 'twur the will o' the Lord, but Miss Annie she said it wur dra'ins,
Fur she hedn't naw coomfut in 'er, an' arn'd naw thanks fur 'er pa'ins.
Eh! thebbe all wi' the Lord my childer, I han't gotten none!
Sa new squire's coom'd wi' 'is ta'il in 'is 'and, an' owd Squire's gone.
III.
Fur 'sta'te be i' ta'il, my lass: tha dosn' knaw what that be?
But I knaws the law, I does, for the lawyer ha towd it me.
'When theer's naw 'ead to a 'Ouse by the fault o' that ere ma'le'
The gells they counts fur nowt, and the next un he ta'kes the ta'il.'
IV.
What be the next un like? can tha tell ony harm on 'im lass?'
Na'y sit down'naw 'urry'sa cowd!'hev another glass!
Stra'nge an' cowd fur the time! we may happen a fall o' snaw'
Not es I cares fur to hear ony harm, but I likes to knaw.
An' I 'o'ps es 'e be'nt boo'klarn'd: but 'e dosn' not coom fro' the shere;
We'd anew o' that wi' the Squire, an' we ha'tes boo'klarnin' ere.
V.
Fur Squire wur a Varsity scholard, an' niver lookt arter the land'
Who'ts or tonups or ta'tes''e 'ed hallus a boo'k i' 'is 'and,
Hallus alo'n wi' 'is boo'ks, thaw nigh upo' seventy year.
An' boo'ks, what's boo'ks? thou knaws thebbe naither 'ere nor theer.
VI.
An' the gells, they hedn't naw ta'ils, an' the lawyer he towd it me
That 'is ta'il were so' tied up es he couldn't cut down a tree!
'Drat the trees,' says I, to be sewer I ha'tes 'em, my lass,
Fur we puts the muck o' the land an' they sucks the muck fro' the grass.
Vll.
An' Squire wur hallus a-smilin', an' gied to the tramps goin' by'
An' all o' the wust i' the parish'wi' hoffens a drop in 'is eye.
An' ivry darter o' Squire's hed her awn ridin-erse to 'ersen,
An' they rampaged about wi' their grooms, an' was 'unten' arter the men,
An' hallus a-dallackt3 an' dizen'd out, an' a-buyin' new clo'thes,
While 'e sit like a gre't glimmer-gowk4 wi' 'is glasses athurt 'is no'se,
An' 'is no'se sa grufted wi' snuff es it couldn't be scroob'd awa'y,
Fur atween 'is re'din' an' writin' 'e sniff: up a box in a da'y,
An' 'e niver runn'd arter the fox, nor arter the birds wi' 'is gun,
An' 'e niver not shot one 'are, but 'e le'ved it to Charlie 'is son,
An' 'e niver not fish'd 'is awn ponds, but Charlie 'e cotch'd the pike,
For 'e warn't not burn to the land, an' 'e didn't take kind to it like;
But I e'rs es 'e'd gie fur a howry5 owd book thutty pound an' moor,
An' 'e'd wrote an owd book, his awn sen, sa I knaw'd es'e'd coom to be poor;
An' 'e gied'I be fear'd fur to tell tha 'ow much'fur an owd scratted sto'n,
An' 'e digg'd up a loomp i' the land an' 'e got a brown pot an' a bo'n,
An' 'e bowt owd money, es wouldn't go', wi' good gowd o' the Queen,
An' 'e bowt little statutes all-na'kt an' which was a sha'me to be seen;
But 'e niver loo'kt ower a bill, nor 'e niver not seed to owt,
An' 'e niver knawd nowt but boo'ks, an' boo'ks, as thou knaws, be'nt nowt.
VIII.
But owd Squire's la'dy es long es she lived she kep 'em all clear,
Thaw es long es she lived I niver hed none of 'er darters 'ere;
Burt arter she died we was all es one, the childer an' me,
An' sarvints runn'd in an' out, an' offens we hed 'em to tea.
Lawk! 'ow I laugh'd when the lasses 'ud talk o' their Missis's wa'ys,
An' the Missisis talk'd o' the lasses.'I'll tell tha some o' these da'ys.
Ho'nly Miss Annie were saw stuck oop, like 'er mother afoor'
'Er an' 'er blessed darter'they niver derken'd my door.
IX.
An' Squire 'e smiled an' 'e smiled till 'e'd gotten a fright at last,
An' 'e calls fur 'is son, fur the 'turney's letters they foller'd sa fast;
But Squire wur afear'd o' 'is son, an' 'e says to 'im, meek as a mouse,
'Lad, thou mun cut off thy ta'il, or the gells 'ull go' to the 'Ouse,
Fur I finds es I be that i' debt, es I 'oaps es thou'll 'elp me a bit,
An' if thou'll 'gree to cut off thy ta'il I may sa've mysen yit.'
X.
But Charlie 'e sets back 'is ears, an' 'e swears, an' 'e says to 'im 'Noa.
I've gotten the 'sta'te by the ta'il an' be dang'd if I iver let goa!
Coom! coom! feyther,' 'e says, 'why shouldn't thy boo'ks be sowd?
I hears es soom o' thy boo'ks mebbe worth their weight i' gowd.'
XI.
He'ps an' he'ps o' boo'ks, I ha' see'd 'em, belong'd to the Squire,
But the lasses 'ed te'rd out le'ves i' the middle to kindle the fire;
Sa mo'st on 'is owd big boo'ks fetch'd nigh to nowt at the sa'le,
And Squire were at Charlie agean to git 'im to cut off 'is ta'il.
XII.
Ya wouldn't find Charlie's likes''e were that outdacious at 'oam,
Not thaw ya went fur to ra'ke out Hell wi' a small-tooth coamb'
Droonk wi' the Quoloty's wine, an' droonk wi' the farmer's a 8;le,
Mad wi' the lasses an' all'an' 'e wouldn't cut off the ta'il.
XIII.
Thou's coom'd oop by the beck; and a thurn be a-grawin' theer,
I niver ha seed it sa white wi' the Ma'y es I see'd it to-year'
Theerabouts Charlie joompt'and it gied me a scare tother night,
Fur I thowt it wur Charlie's gho'st i' the derk, fur it loo'kt sa white.
'Billy,' says 'e, 'hev a joomp!''thaw the banks o' the beck be sa high,
Fur he ca'd 'is 'erse Billy-rough-un, thaw niver a hair wur awry;
But Billy fell bakkuds o' Charlie, an' Charlie 'e brok 'is neck,
Sa theer wur a hend o' the ta'il, fur 'e lost 'is ta'il i' the beck.
XIV.
Sa 'is ta'il wur lost an' 'is boo'ks wur gone an' 'is boy wur de'd,
An' Squire 'e smiled an' 'e smiled, but 'e niver not lift oop 'is 'e'd:
Hallus a soft un Squire! an' 'e smiled, fur 'e hedn't naw friend,
Sa feyther an' son was buried togither, an' this wur the hend.
XV.
An' Parson as hesn't the call, nor the mooney, but hes the pride,
'E reads of a sewer an' sartan 'o'p o' the tother side;
But I be'nt that sewer es the Lord, how-siver they pra'y'd an' pra'y'd,
Lets them inter 'eaven e'sy es le'ves their debts to be pa'id.
Siver the mou'ds rattled down upo' poor owd Squire i' the wood,
An' I cried along wi' the gells, fur they we'nt niver coons to naw good.
XVI.
Fur Molly the long un she walkt awa'y wi' a hofficer lad,
An' nawbody 'e'rd on 'er sin, sa o' coorse she be gone to the bad!
An' Lucy wur la'me o' one leg, sweet-'arts she niver 'ed none'
Stra'nge an' unheppen6 Miss Lucy! we na'med her ' Dot an' gaw one!'
An' Hetty wur weak i' the hattics, wi'out ony harm i' the legs,
An' the fever 'ed ba'ked Jinny's 'e'd as bald as one o' them heggs,
An' Nelly wur up fro' the cra'dle as big i' the mouth as a cow,
An' saw she mun hammergrate,7 lass, of she we'nt git a ma'te onyhow!
An' es for Miss Annie es call'd me afoor my awn fo'lks to my fa'ce
'A hignorant village wife as 'ud hev to be larn'd her awn pla'ce,'
Hes fur Miss Hannie the heldest hes now be a-grawin' sa howd,
I knaws that mooch o' she', es it be'nt not fit to be towd!
XVII.
Sa I didn't not ta'ke it kindly ov owd Miss Annie to sa'y
Es I should be talkin age'n 'em, es soon es they went awa'y,
Fur, lawks! 'ow I cried when they went, an' our Nelly she gied me 'er 'and,
Fur I'd ha done owt for the Squire an' 'is gells es belong'd to the land;
Boo'ks, es I said afoor, thebbe neyther 'ere nor theer!
But I sarved 'em wi' butter an' heggs fur huppuds o' twenty year.
XVIII.
An' they hallus pa'id what I hax'd, sa I hallus deal'd wi' the Hall,
An' they knaw'd what butter wur, an' they knaw'd what a hegg wur an' all;
Hugger-mugger they lived, but they wasn't that e'sy to ple'se,
Till I gied 'em Hinjian curn, an' they la'id big heggs es tha seeas;
An' I niver puts sa'me8 i' my butter, they does it at Willis's farm,
Ta'ste another drop o' the wine'twe'nt do tha naw harm.
XIX.
Sa new Squire's coom'd wi' 'is ta'il in 'is 'and, an' owd Squire's gone;
I heard 'im a roomlin' by, but arter my nightcap wur on;
Sa I han't clapt eyes on 'im yit, fur he coom'd last night sa la'te'
Pluksh! ! ! 9 the hens i' the pe's! why didn't tha hesp the ga'te?