Tu Quoque, An Idyll In The Conservatory

nellie
If I were you, when ladies at the play, Sir,
Beckon and nod, a melodrama through,
I would not turn abstractedly away, Sir,
If I were you!
frank
If I were you, when persons I affected,
Wait for three hours to take me down to Kew,
I would at least pretend I recollected,
If I were you!
nellie
If I were you, when ladies are so lavish,
Sir, as to keep me every waltz but two,
I would not dance with odious Miss M'Tavish,
If I were you!
frank
If I were you, who vow you cannot suffer
Whiff of the best, the mildest "honey dew,"
I would not dance with smoke-consuming Puffer,
If I were you!
nellie
If I were you, I would not, Sir, be bitter,
Even to write the "Cynical Review";
frank
No, I should doubtless find flirtation fitter,
If I were you!
nellie
Really! You would? Why, Frank, you're quite delightful,
Hot as Othello, and as black of hue;
Borrow my fan. I would not look so frightful,
If I were you!
frank
"It is the cause." I mean your chaperon is
Bringing some well-curled juvenile. Adieu!
I shall retire. I'd spare that poor Adonis,
If I were you!
nellie
Go, if you will. At once! And by express, Sir!
Where shall it be? To China, or Peru?
Go. I should leave inquirers my address, Sir,
If I were you!
frank
No, I remain. To stay and fight a duel
Seems, on the whole, the proper thing to do,
Ah, you are strong, I would not then be cruel,
If I were you!
nellie
One does not like one's feelings to be doubted,
frank
One does not like one's friends to misconstrue,
nellie
If I confess that I a wee-bit pouted?
frank
I should admit that I was pique, too.
nellie
Ask me to dance. I'd say no more about it,
If I were you!
[Waltz - Exeunt.]