free-verse56 lines
Twenty-Two.
by Nathaniel Parker WillisI'm twenty-two - I'm twenty-two -
They gaily give me joy,
As if I should be glad to hear
That I was less a boy.
They do not know how carelessly
Their words have given pain,
To one whose heart would leap to be
A happy boy again.
I had a light and careless heart
When this brief year began,
And then I pray'd that I might be
A grave and perfect man.
The world was like a blessed dream
Of joyous coming years -
I did not know its manliness
Was but to wake in tears.
A change has on my spirit come,
I am forever sad;
The light has all departed now
My early feelings had;
I used to love the morning grey,
The twilight's quiet deep,
But now like shadows on the sea,
Upon my thoughts they creep.
And love was like a holy star,
When this brief year was young,
And my whole worship of the sky
On one sweet ray was flung;
But worldly things have come between,
And shut it from my sight,
And though the star shines purely yet,
I mourn its hidden light.
And fame! I bent to it the knee,
And bow'd to it my brow,
And it is like a coal upon
My living spirit now -
But when I pray'd for burning fire
To touch the soul I bow'd,
I did not know the lightning flash
Would come in such a cloud.
Ye give me joy! Is it because
Another year has fled? -
That I am farther from my youth,
And nearer to the dead?
Is it because my cares have come? -
My happy boyhood o'er? -
Because the visions I have lov'd
Will visit me no more?
Oh, tell me not that ye are glad!
I cannot smile it back;
I've found no flower, and seen no light
On manhood's weary track.
My love is deep - ambition deep -
And heart and mind will on -
But love is fainting by the way,
And fame consumes ere won.