Ellis Parker Butler

In our dainty little kitchen, Where my aproned wife is queen Over all the tin-pan people,

When first we met she seemed so white I feared her; As one might near a spirit bright

She plucked a blossom fair to see; Upon my coat I let her pin it; And thus we stood beneath the tree

Upon Bottle Miche the autre day While yet the nuit was early, Je met a homme whose barbe was grey,

Just as the sun was setting Back of the Western hills Grandfather stood by the window

Whene'er I feed the barnyard folk My gentle soul is vexed; My sensibilities are torn

A merry burgomaster In a burgh upon the Rhine Said, 'Our burghers all are

A Scotchman whose name was Isbister Had a maiden giraffe he called 'sister' When she said 'Oh, be mine,

Oh! Montmorency Vere de Vere, To think that one I held so dear Should use a base deceiver's art

To be a great musician you must be a man of moods, You have to be, to understand sonatas and etudes. To execute pianos and to fiddle with success,

In all romances, old and new, And in all lover's rhymes I find one rule that has held true

Strange, is it not? She was making her garden, Planting the old-fashioned flowers that day Bleeding-hearts tender and bachelors-buttons

I hold her letter as I stand, Nor break the seal; no need to guess What dainty little female hand

When with me the play she goes, I much admire the buds and bows And all that on Kate's headgear grows.

O wonderful! In sport we climbed the tree, Eager and laughing, as in all our play, To see the eggs where, in the nest, they lay,

She does not mind a good cigar (The kind, that is, I smoke); She thinks all men quite stupid are,

Cupid on a summer day, Wearied by unceasing play, In a rose heart sleeping lay,

Soft was the night, the eve how airy, When through the big, fat dictionary I wandered on in careless ease,

I told her I loved her and begged but a word, One dear little word, that would be For me by all odds the most sweet ever heard,

When young, in tones quite positive I said, "The world shall see That I can keep myself from sin;

Well, then! How'd you like to bear the name of Butler As an honor badge eight centuries at least, And then have the Prohibitionists inform you

I bowed my head in anguish sore When Life made Death his bride; 'Soul, we are lost forever more!'

Twain? Oh, yes, I've heard Mark Twain Heard him down to Pleasant Plain; Funny? Yes, I guess so. Folks

Saint Peter stood, at Heaven's gate, All souls claims to adjudicate Saying to some souls, "Enter in!"

King Joris was a kind-eyed king, A dear old, gentle, smiling thing; But 'though by nature meek and mild,

The cruelty of P. L. Brown (He had ten toes as good as mine) Was known to every one in town,

There was a man in New York City (His name was George Adolphus Knight) So soft of heart he wept with pity

Mary had a little frog And it was water-soaked, But Mary did not keep it long

Little cullud Rastus come a-skippin' down de street, A-smilin' and a-grinnin' at every one he meet; My, oh! He was happy! Boy, but was he gay!

The great millennium is at hand. Redder apples grow on the tree. A saxophone is in ev'ry band.

(with apologies to Frederic Taber Cooper) I well recall (and who does not) The circus bill-board hippopotamus,

Upon Bottle Miche the autre day While yet the nuit was early, Je met a homme whose barbe was grey,

The sluggish clouds hang low upon the town, And from yon lamp in chilled and sodden rays The feeble light gropes through the heavy mist

The shades of night was fallin' slow As through New York a guy did go And nail on ev'ry barroom door

The forest holds high carnival to-day, And every hill-side glows with gold and fire; Ivy and sumac dress in colors gay,

When Cupid held an auction sale, I hastened to his mart, For I had heard that he would sell

Love took chambers on our street Opposite to mine; On his door he tacked a neat,

I want to know how Bernard Shaw Likes beefsteak, fairly done, or raw? I want to know what kinds of shoes

When I taught Ida how to ride a Bicycle that night, I ran beside her, just to guide her

Well, eight months ago one clear cold day, I took a ramble up Broadway, And with my hands behind my back

Captain O'Hare was a mariner brave; He refused to abandon his ship; A hero, he sleeps in a watery grave,

I know something wonderful, wonderful; So strange it will quite startle you; So strange and absurd and unusual

Listen, ladies, while I sing The ballad of John Henry King. John Henry was a bachelor,

When our yacht sails seaward on steady keel And the wind is moist with breath of brine And our laughter tells of our perfect weal,

I am standing under the mistletoe, And I smile, but no answering smile replies For her haughty glance bids me plainly know

Comrades, many a year and day Have fled since that glorious 9th of May When we made the charge at Farmington.

The Gossoon (Weeping) It's bleedin'! It's bleedin'! The Ould Woman (Soothingly)

Nature, when she made thee, dear, Begged the treasures of the year. For thy cheeks, all pink and white,

Said Statesman A to Statesman Z: 'What can we tax that is not paying? We're taxing every blessed thing'

Behold, my child, this touching scene, The golfer on the golfing-green; Pray mark his legs' uncanny swing,

A full-fledged gun cannot endure The trifling of an amateur; Poor marksmanship its temper spoils

Observe, my child, this pretty scene, And note the air of pleasure keen With which the widow's orphan boy

And now behold this sulking boy, His costly presents bring no joy; Harsh tears of anger fill his eye

There was a young patrolman who Had large but tender feet; They always hurt him badly when

Her heart she locked fast in her breast, Away from molestation; The lock was warranted the best,

The Sheep adorns the landscape rural And is both singular and plural, It gives grammarians the creeps

A sinner was old Captain Dan; His wives guv him no rest: He had one wife to East Skiddaw

You have heard of the wonderful one-hoss shay That was built in such a logical way It ran a hundred years to a day.

They hide in the brook when I seek to draw nearer, Laughing amain when I feign to depart; Often I hear them, now faint and now clearer

The Whale is found in seas and oceans, Indulging there in fishlike motions, But Science shows that Whales are mammals,

A glint of her hair or a flash of her shoulder, That is the most I can boast to have seen, Then all is lost as the shadows enfold her,

I Whenas, (I love that 'whenas' word, It shows I am a poet, too,)

Sence fair Jessica hez left us Seems ez ef she hed bereft us, When she went, o' half o' livin';

Sweet Love and I had oft communed; We were, indeed, great friends, And oft I sought his office, near

So great my debt to thee, I know my life Is all too short to pay the least I owe, And though I live it all in that sweet strife,

I have no heart to write verses to May; I have no heart - yet I'm cheerful today; I have no heart - she has won mine away

O! fair, sweet Phyllis and sweet, fair May, Which of you carried my heart away? Who has my heart? I would like to know

When Love and I drew softly nigh And gazed in modest Chloe's eye We saw reflected there in part

In hand I take this pen of mine To write you, sweet, a valentine; I'd take your dainty hand instead,

The Cowboy had a sterling heart, The Maiden was from Boston, The Rancher saw his wealth depart

Was ever a maiden so worried? I'll admit I am partial to Jim, For Jimmie has promised to wed me

1775 Said Congress to George Washington: "To set this country free,

When I go rowing on the lake, I long to be a man; I'll give my Sunday frock to have

One year ago I wished that I A banker great might be With a hundred million dollars