Guy Wetmore Carryl
Now don't go and say you'd a dim Idea of these stories before, For I've frankly confessed them from Grimm,
Albeit wholly penniless, Prince Charming wasn't any less Conceited than a Croesus or a modern millionaire:
A poet had a cat. There is nothing odd in that-- (I might make a little pun about the Mews!)
She has slid down the channels Of history's annals Disguised as the child of a king,
A fisherman lived on the shore, (It's a habit that fishers affect,) And his life was a hideous bore:
Matilda Maud Mackenzie frankly hadn't any chin, Her hands were rough, her feet she turned invariably in; Her general form was German,
In days of old the King of Saxe Had singular opinions, For with a weighty battle-axe
Miss Guinevere Platt Was so beautiful that She couldn't remember the day
The vainest girls in forty states Were Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates; They warbled, slightly off the air,
A worthy couple, man and wife, Dragged on a discontented life: The reason, I should state,
Without the slightest basis For hypochondriasis A widow had forebodings which a cloud around her flung,
Of all the ill-fated Boys ever created Young Jack was the wretchedest lad:
Most worthy of praise Were the virtuous ways Of Little Red Riding Hood's Ma,
Fortunatus, a fisherman Dane, Set out on a sudden for Spain, Because, runs the story,
Once on a time, long years ago (Just when I quite forget), Two maidens lived beside the Po,
In Germany there lived an earl Who had a charming niece: And never gave the timid girl
A man of kind and noble mind Was H. Gustavus Hyde. 'Twould be amiss to add to this
An excellent peasant, Of character pleasant, Once lived in a hut with his wife.
A maiden from the Bosphorus, With eyes as bright as phosphorus, Once wed the wealthy bailiff
His name was Aladdin. The clothes he was clad in Proclaimed him an Arab at sight,
Though Philip the Second Of France was reckoned No coward, his breath came short
A certain fox had a Grecian nose And a beautiful tail. His friends Were wont to say in a jesting way
A farmer built around his crop A wall, and crowned his labors By placing glass upon the top
Once, on a time and in a place Conducive to malaria, There lived a member of the race
A peasant had a docile bear, A bear of manners pleasant, And all the love she had to spare
O'er a small suburban borough Once an eagle used to fly, Making observations thorough
A Caledonian piper Who was walking on the wold Nearly stepped upon a viper
Reposing 'neath some spreading trees, A populistic bumpkin Amused himself by offering these
There was an ant, a spinster ant, Whose virtues were so many That she became intolerant
A Boston man an ulster had, An ulster with a cape that fluttered: It smacked his face, and made him mad,
A gaunt and relentless wolf, possessed Of a quite insatiable thirst, Once paused at a stream to drink and rest,
A fisher was casting his flies in a brook, According to laws of such sciences, With a patented reel and a patented hook
A woolly little terrier pup Gave vent to yelps distressing, Whereat his mistress took him up
Once a flock of stately peacocks Promenaded on a green, There were twenty-two or three cocks,
Once a turtle, finding plenty In seclusion to bewitch, Lived a dolce far niente
A rooster once pursued a worm That lingered not to brave him, To see his wretched victim squirm
Upon the shore, a mile or more From traffic and confusion, An oyster dwelt, because he felt
A raven sat upon a tree, And not a word he spoke, for His beak contained a piece of Brie,
A woodcutter bought him a gander, Or at least that was what he supposed, As a matter of fact, 'twas a slander
A metropolitan rat invited His country cousin in town to dine: The country cousin replied, "Delighted."
A bulrush stood on a river's rim, And an oak that grew near by Looked down with cold hauteur on him,
