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My Religion

Let Romanists all at the Confessional kneel,

Let the Jew with disgust turn from it,

Let the mighty Crown Prelate in Church pander zeal,

Let the Mussulman worship Mahomet.

From all these I differ'truly wise is my plan,

With my doctrine, perhaps, you'll agree,

To be upright and downright and act like a man,

That's the religion for me.

I will go to no Church and to no house of Prayer

To see a white shirt on a preacher.

And in no Courthouse on a book will I swear

To injure a poor fellow-creature.

For parsons and preachers are all a mere joke,

Their hands must be greased by a fee;

But with the poor toiler to share your last 'toke'*

That's the religion for me.

[Footnote: 'Toke' is a slang word for bread.]

Let Psalm-singing Churchmen and Lutheran sing,

They can't deceive God with their blarney;

They might just as well dance the Highland Fling,

Or sing the fair fame of Kate Kearney.

But let man unto man like brethren act,

My doctrine this suits to a T,

The heart that can feel for the woes of another,

Oh, that's the religion for me.