The Lion And Albert by Marriott Edgar — Stanza

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The Lion And Albert

by Marriott Edgar

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,

That's noted for fresh air and fun,

And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert

All dressed in his best; quite a swell

With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle

The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the Ocean

The waves, they were fiddlin' and small

There was no wrecks and nobody drownded

Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

So, seeking for further amusement

They paid and went into the zoo

Where they'd lions and tigers and camels

And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big lion called Wallace

His nose were all covered with scars

He lay in a somnolent posture

With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about lions

How they was ferocious and wild

To see Wallace lying so peaceful

Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

So straight 'way the brave little feller

Not showing a morsel of fear

Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle

And shoved it in Wallace's ear.

You could see the lion didn't like it

For giving a kind of a roll

He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'Im

And swallowed the little lad 'ole

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence

And didn't know what to do next

Said "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"

And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

Quite rightly, when all's said and done

Complained to the Animal Keeper

That the lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it

He said "What a nasty mishap

Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?"

Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

The manager had to be sent for

He came and he said "What's to do?"

Pa said "Yon lion's 'et Albert

And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller

I think it's a shame and a sin

For a lion to go and eat Albert

And after we've paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble

He took out his purse right away

Saying "How much to settle the matter?"

And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward

When she thought where her Albert had gone

She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed"

So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Police Station

In front of the Magistrate chap

They told 'Im what happened to Albert

And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion

That no one was really to blame

And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms

Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing

"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she

"What waste all our lives raising children

To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"