Marriott Edgar

One day, little Albert Ramsbottom To see 'ow much money 'e'd got Stuck a knife in 'is money-box slot 'ole

On young Albert Ramsbottom's birthday His parents asked what he'd like most; He said to see t' Tower of London

Albert were what you'd call "thwarted". He had long had an ambition, which... Were to save up and go to Australia,

You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom At the zoo up at Blackpool one year With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle

Mr. Ramsbottom went to the races, A thing as he'd ne'er done before, And as luck always follers beginners,

I'll tell you the story of Balbus, You know, him as builded a wall; I'll tell you the reason he built it,

I'll tell of Canute, King of England, A native of Denmark was he, His hobbies was roving and raiding

I'll tell you the tale of an old country pub As fancied itself up to date, It had the word " Garage" wrote on t' stable door

Joe Dunn were a bobby for football He gave all his time to that sport, He played for the West Wigan Whippets,

I'll tell you a seafaring story, Of a lad who won honour and fame Wi' Nelson at Battle 'Trafalgar,

Henry the Seventh of England Wasn't out of the Royal top drawer, The only connection of which he could boast,

Joe Ramshottom rented a bit of a farm From its owner, Squire Goslett his name; And the Gosletts came over with William the First,

I'll tell you the story of Jonah, A really remarkable tale; A peaceful and humdrum existence he had

When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road He made each one hold fast with his trunk To the tail of the elephant walking in front

When Sam Small joined the regiment, 'E were no' but a raw recruit, And they marched 'im away one wint'ry day,

It was Christmas Day in the trenches In Spain in Penninsular War, And Sam Small were cleaning his musket

Henry the first, surnamed " Beauclare," Lost his only son William at sea, So when Henry died it were hard to decide

Richard the First, Coeur de Lion, Is a name that we speak of with pride, Though he only lived six months in England

Sam Small had retired from the Army, In the old Duke of Wellington's time, So when present unpleasantness started,

It was Christmas Day in the trenches In Spain in Penninsular War, And Sam Small were cleaning his musket

When Sam Small retired from the Army He'd a pension of ninepence a day, And seven pounds fourteen and twopence

One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark, Putting green oil in starboard side lamp, His wife came along and said, 'Noah, summat's wrong,

I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings, As happened in days long gone by, When Duke William became King of England,

It were after the Battle of Crecy, The foe all lay dead on the ground, And King Edward went out with his soldiers

Would you hear a wild tale of adventure Of a hero who tackled the sea, A super-man swimming the ocean,

You've heard of King Henry II And the story of how he got fond Of one of his customer's daughters,

On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms Invited relations to tea, Including young Albert's grandmother,

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool, That's noted for fresh air and fun, And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

I'll tell of the Magna Charter As were signed at the Barons' command, On Runningmead Island in t'middle of t'Thames

The day after Christmas, young Albert Were what's called, confined to his bed, With a tight kind of pain in his stummick

You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom, In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year, With a stick and 'orse's 'ead 'andle,

On the banks of the Mersey, o'er on Cheshire side, Lies Runcorn that's best known to fame By Transporter Bridge as takes folks over t'stream,

I'll tell you an old-fashioned story That Grandfather used to relate, Of a joiner and building contractor;

'Twere getting dusk, one winter's night, When up the clough there came in sight, A lad who carried through the snow,

The reign of King William the Second Were an uninteresting affair There's only two things that's remembered of him